How to Survive the Holidays

Let’s be honest- the holidays can be tough. Sometimes they’re even tougher because we think that they SHOULDN’T be tough. 

This time of year is a complicated one. We get filled with all this propaganda that this is a time for everything to be perfect. Christmas movies always end in joy and fulfillment. Pinterest boards of people with perfect holiday decorations. Family or friend visits where you’re supposed to feel connected and happy. 

But then suddenly we find ourselves turning into our 13-year-old selves around our family, getting deeply disappointed about a gift we received, feeling disconnected and stressed, feeling overwhelmed by an expectation that didn’t turn out the way we wanted. 

No, you are not alone. No, you are not broken. The holidays are a hard time of year, precisely because we go into them believing that they will be perfect and joyful, so we don’t prepare any strategies for how to get through them. 

So, before you enter another Holiday season that leaves you in tears, let’s talk about some ways that you can make it through this season.

Manage your expectations

The expectations we feel at this time of year can often knock us off track and leave us feeling disenchanted. The holiday propaganda is real and it’s hard not to wish for the “perfect,” decorations, family, gifts, experiences. So, before you start your celebrations, take a step back and look at your situation realistically. 

If you tend to feel uncomfortable around extended family, don’t expect that things will go smoothly just because of the season. If your partner isn’t a good gift buyer, don’t get upset if you don’t receive what you wanted. If you only have 4 free hours this week, don’t be hard on yourself if you can’t bake all the cookies, have perfect decorations, AND buy the perfect present for everyone you know. 

When we take a step back, we’re able to be more realistic about what to expect this season. It’s okay for everything to not be perfect. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable sometimes. When we change what we expect to include the uncomfortable, we won’t get so emotionally thrown off when something doesn’t turn out perfectly. 

Meet your own needs

One of the hardest things about this season is that we expect the magic and connection we felt when we were children. However, when we were kids, we had parents whose job was to make sure that we were cared for. We didn’t have to stress about making food, organizing visits, or planning anything. 

But we’re adults now. Unfortunately a lot of the jobs of making the Holidays good fall to us. And our own needs can often fall through the cracks. Add to that the childhood feeling that someone SHOULD be caring for our needs, and we have a recipe for disaster.  

So, before you start your holidays, take a moment to figure out what you need. Write a list of what would make you feel good for the next couple of weeks, and then beside each item, write down how you can fulfill that need. Don’t be afraid to communicate clearly and ask for help from those who are close to you, but let go of the expectation that it’s their job to solve your problems.

Don’t bite off more than you can chew

The Holidays come with the expectation that we can do it all and be it all. There are more obligations at this time of year than at any other time, and it’s easy to get caught up in the stress of how much there is to “do.”

Go back to your list of what needs you need to meet this season. If someone asks you to do something and it doesn’t align with what you need to feel good, then say NO. You’re allowed to say no! It’s not selfish! In fact, caring for yourself will actually make the world around you better. 

When we practice self-care then we’re able to be more loving and giving to others. We do things from a place of joy, rather than resentment. If we rush around, all stressed out with our obligations, then we’re not able to do the one thing this season is meant for, which is to CONNECT with those we love. 

Get back in your body

When we’re surrounded by the energy of others, combined with all the obligations of the season, it's a recipe for stress. Stress moves us from our bodies to our heads, where we go into fight or flight to combat “danger.” When we use strategies to get back into our bodies, we get out of fight or flight and into a state of presence. 

When you feel yourself getting overwhelmed and stressed, the best thing to do is to BREATHE. Focus on the breath, deepen it and slow it down. Soften your gaze and count your breaths. This will bring you back into the state of mindfulness you need to be in connection. 

Make sure you take the time to move your body this season. Sitting around and overeating is the standard practice during this time. If you want to feel better and stay out of fight or flight, make sure you move your body! Take the time to go for walks, do yoga, or dance around. This will help you get out of your head and combat stress. 

Practice gratitude

No matter what situation you’re in, there is always something to be grateful for. Everything could turn out absolutely “terribly,” but there’s always something you can find that’s beautiful. Even if your holiday just blew up in your face, you’re still breathing and alive. Tomorrow is another day, and it just may turn out to be the best day of your life! 

The amazing thing about gratitude is that it actually rewires your brain. The more you practice gratitude, the more beauty you see in life. When you focus on the good instead of the bad, your physiology actually starts to change. You start to feel more feelings of joy and fulfillment and then see even more to be grateful for. 

So if you’re in a situation this season where something is uncomfortable, take a deep breath and silently list 3 things that you are grateful for at that moment. There will always be something good. It’s amazing how quickly that can change your perspective and reduce your stress. 

You’re going to be okay

The Holidays are just a condensed version of life. There is “more,” of everything. More experiences, more obligations, more people, more food, more desires. But that also means that there is more capacity for joy! 

When we approach the Holidays in a balanced way with good strategies, our whole experience of it can change. Rather than getting caught up in expectations and stress, we can experience the full gifts of the season.